some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
