somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
