The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
