what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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