life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
