I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
