not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
