I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Randomize
