she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
