does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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