Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
