I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
