rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
