I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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