my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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