Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
