worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
they need to just BURY HIM!
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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