Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
