Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
