C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
