mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
They took my balls.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
