found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I just cut my nipple shaving
He is an equal opportunity slut.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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