Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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