It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
