Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
