So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
