I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
