Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
