those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
