real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
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