I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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