I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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