The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
