Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I FOUND THE LEGS
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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