Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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