you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
either way he was missing a nipple.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I need a hoe opinion
go on
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