she takes plan B like it's going out of style
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Well I just put wine in my tea
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
