he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
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Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
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My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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