Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
