just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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