billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
