my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
