The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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