my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
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If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
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So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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