Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
