i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Randomize
