she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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