wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Randomize
