is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
