the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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