So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
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