2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
