I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
