Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
