Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
