careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
