I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
