My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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