It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Randomize
