why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
