that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
