he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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