Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.