She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
You took a bar mat shot.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
