we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
