you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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