Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I can't turn off my feet"
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
