I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
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