If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
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