Umm I'm too high to move.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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