Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
