Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
