I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
