i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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